The Donut Shaped Rubber Death Trap

1-23-09
This is just a paper I wrote for Comp last semester.  It’s one of my favorites and is all true.  It was one of my more embarrassing moments I suppose.  I thought I had completely deleted it from my computer, but I found it and figured I’d put it where somebody might get some enjoyment out of it.

Most people consider tire swings to be a harmless piece of playground equipment, but they are not. Tire swings are a horrid, dangerous, donut-shaped, rubber death trap. Since playgrounds are supposed to be a safe place for children to play, tire swings should be banned from all of them. One time I actually got stuck in one, and I basically panicked.?

About a year ago, my best friend Kelsey and I were hanging around Sherlock park in East Grand Forks. We were just running around on all the equipment, and sort trying to relive our childhood. That’s when I noticed the tire swing. I ran over to it and told Kelsey to push me. Kelsey always gave the best pushes when we were growing up.?

I grabbed onto the chains of the swing and kicked myself up onto the tire. Then I laid down on the swing, hanging my feet over one end of the tire and my shoulders on the other. My butt was right over the hole, and I was hanging onto the chains with my hands. I was ready for Kelsey to push me, but then something went terribly wrong.? My rear end slipped through the hole in the middle of the swing, and my upper thighs went through the hole too, causing my legs to stick straight up in the air. Basically I looked like folding bed stuck in a rubber tube. I tried to push myself out of the thing, but I was to low to actually get any good leverage. Then I started to kick and squirm, but it didn’t do any good. There I was, in my senior year in high school, and I managed to get stuck in a tire swing.?

Kelsey had fallen over laughing at this point. I suppose the whole thing did look hilarious, but at the time I was pretty mad at her. This was serious. My butt was stuck in a tire swing for crying out loud. I yelled at her to get me the heck out of that thing. She walked over to me, laughing the whole way, and grabbed my arm and tried to yank me out. That hurt me too much, so I told her to try something else. I suggested that she go from underneath and try to push my butt up through the hole. She got down on her knees and was about to do it, but I interrupted her, "No, no wait stop!" I was afraid I was going to go flying out of the swing and land flat on my face.?

That’s when I started panicking and crying. It is a very traumatizing experience to be stuck in something like that. Tears just came pouring out of my eyes, and I started whining, "I want my mommy!" Kelsey must have thought that was the funniest thing she’d heard in a long time, because she burst out laughing again. A seventeen year old wanted her mommy. ? I tried to grab my cell phone. It was in my pocket, and I couldn’t reach it because of the stupid position I was in. I asked Kelsey to give me her phone, and she did. I quickly dialed my mom’s work number. She picked up and I immediately started to tell her what the problem was. I heard her stifle her laughter on the other end before she asked me why I was bothering her at work for this. My own mother was laughing at me too. Why didn’t anyone seem to understand how serious and scary this was for me? I pouted and told her I wanted to her to come get be out. I knew she wouldn’t. She was at work. The best advice she gave me was to calm down, relax, and then I would be able to get myself. What kind of advice was that??

After I hung up on my mom, I called my grandma. At least she didn’t laugh at me. She told me the same exact advice as my mom did, but it made much more sense coming from her. I mean, advice always sounds better when it’s not coming from my parents. 

After I finished talking with my grandma, I was much more determined to get myself out of the swing, and I was calmed down enough to actually accomplish it. Kelsey was still standing two feet away from me, giggling. I took a couple of deep breaths and told her to come over to me and hold out her arm. With my new found determination, I grabbed onto her arm with one hand and unto the chain holding the swing up with the other. I managed to wriggle myself out slowly. Finely, I was free from my donut shaped prison.

I laid on the ground for a little bit, filled with relief. When I looked down at my legs, I noticed that there were deep imprints on my skin where the tire had dug into it. My legs had also fallen asleep.? I finished collecting myself, and stood up. I was too nervous to look at Kelsey right away. The whole thing was pretty embarrassing. I took a few more deep breaths, dried my eyes, and looked at my best friend. Once we made eye contact, the two of us just burst out laughing. I almost fell over. Then we headed to the car, because I wanted to leave the park as soon as possible.?

Being stuck on a tire swing can be a very traumatizing event. To this day, I have not been on one. They are dangerous and should be taken away from playgrounds around the world, and others should remember to take caution when they are about to hop on one, especially if they are over ten years old.

Now that I think about it, I really didn’t need to panic.  Kelsey still makes fun of me for it too.