Itchy Feet?

3-30-09

Okay, so I’ve never actually heard the expression "itchy feet" before, but I’ll give it a go anyway.  At this moment in my life, I feel lost.  Part of me wants to go back to my middle school dream of being a bum, living in a van, and traveling the US.  The only problem with that is, without a job, how the hell would I get gas money?  Not only that, but I wasn’t diabetic when I came up with this crazy idea, and I have no idea how I would afford insulin.

The problem is, I don’t know where my life is going.  Even this semester in school, I’m slowly going downhill.  I don’t think I’m too concerned though because I’ve been that way since first grade.  The first half of a school yeah, I’d do really great.  I’d have new teachers, a new classroom, more challenges to try out.  Then after a few months, I’d get bored and stop caring.  Middle school the problem escalated, and I actually started to get F’s on my midterm report cards.  High school, didn’t go too well either.  Besides classes like band, theatre, art, film study, and creative writing, I got C’s.  I just stopped caring.  I actually failed English my sophomore and had to take it over.  This pissed my mom off; she knew I was capable of so much more in English.  It was and still is my best subject.

Now, I need to decide what I want to do with my life.  I used to think I wanted to be a cinematographer, but now I’m not so sure.  I know I’d be happy in life working a camera, even if it’s for a news room or something.  I relax when I’m operating a camera or editing stuff.  But do I really want to spend my whole life behind a camera.  Then I could get a music major somewhere, but do I want to turn passion into a career?  What if I learn to hate music?

Now, one thing’s for sure.  I need to get the led out and get to work.  I’m not going to flunk out of college or any classes this semester.  I won’t let myself.  One, I’d feel awful.  I hate failing.  And Two, I’d owe the VA a lot of money, so we’re just not going to do that.