As Good as it Gets

Okay, so I'm going to be completly honest and open with all you readers for this post.  I just got out of the psychiatric unit of Altru.  Long story shot, some depression and anxiety built up until I exploded.  I don't want to go into too many details because as you can imagine it's sort of personal.  I'm better now though... for now, but I think I just needed a break to sort things out.  I'm making some new decissions about my life- like getting a new apartment.  I want to get away from everything and start over- maybe go to school for that English major I keep talking about.


As with any hospital stay, I have some complaints about the ridiculousness of Altru.  For starters, it's hard to get things like you need.  Take my insulin for example.  On three different occasions it took over an hour to get insulin after I ate.  It's almost impossible to get anything like that at nine o'clock because that's when the kids in the other ward have to go to bed and they scream all the time- I WANT MY BLANKIE!  I WANT MY MOMMY!  I WANT TO GO HOME!  I DON'T WANT TO GO TO BED... There was one particular boy in particular that threw a fit everyday.  We could hear doors slamming and the wall was shaking as he beat against it.  Then all the nurses were trained in differently so one nurse would tell you something was okay, and then the next nurse would tell you that you can't do that.  So you were always confused at what was going on.


I also think some of their rules were a little effed up.  For example, I wasn't allowed to have a spiral notebook, but real knives at meals were okay.  Then we were told we had to go to group, but no one enforced it.  So a lot of the majorly depressed people just layed in bed all day.  That's not good for someone in that kind of condition.  They should be up and doing things, at least going to the therapy groups.  I also hate how the Psyciatrists solution to everything is get the patients some more drugs.  For the most part it helped a lot.  It was so nice to talk to other people who understand- not the therapists but the patients.  They don't question why I feel the way I do, because a lot of them have been there.


There were two things that I know I will always remember from this experience.  The first one was an assertiveness video we watched.  The acting was just horrible.  My favorite part was this guy who was supposed to be acting agressively.  A co-worker asked him if he wanted to go to a bar just after he got out of treatment.  His reaction was hilarious.  He threw down a folder on the desk and, as mono-tone and stone faced as ever, said, "What's your damn problem?"  It struck me as funny, and I couldn't stop giggling about it for a while.


Now, the best part of my stay were the movies that happened to be on FX while I was there.  They were As Good as it Gets, Me, Myself, and Irene, and Anger Management.  So here we all in a mental institution watching crazy people movies.  There's so much irony in that.  It's hilarious.  Another one of the patients there got as big of a kick out of it as I did.  Not only that but a commercial kept playing for Forgetting Sarah Marshal and the commercial just had the guy singing, "Go see a psyciatrist.  I hate the psyciatrist.  Well go see one anyway.  I don't like the psyciatrist.  You need to go see one.  See a psyciatrist.  I'm not going."  So funny, but really As Good as it Gets kinda got to me.  There's a part where he's in a doctors office and he says to all the patients in the waiting room, "What if this is as good as it gets?"  Good point.  I don't think life gets any better, and I really don't think that matters.  It just is what it is.

The World's Greatest Invention is the Grandparent

Grandparent's are amazing aren't they?  Well, mine are at least.  I mean, they've babysat me when I was little a whole ton and I was kind of a brat.  They've given me so much over the years- food, a ton of awesome Christmas presents, gas, money just for the heck of it, musical tickets, printer paper, scotch tape, scrap fabric... And then so much more than that, like all the cheesy stuff you can't hold and touch like love and junk.  And I can't even count the amount of times I've gone over there saying, "Grandma, can you feed me?"  Of course they always do.


The other day my car ran out of gas just in time to be late for work.  I called my papa from a near by school and asked if he could bring me some gas.  I thought he was going to be really crabby about it because he's German and can just get that way sometimes.  But he just goes, "Well you can't drive a car without gas, Ashley."  It made me laugh.  I waited in my car until he came to the rescue with his gas can.  After we got some gas in it so I could get to work.  He asked me if I had money.  I never have money, so he gave me twenty bucks, which I put in my tank after I was done with work.


I love them.  They give so much of their time to help me with the little things.  Like let's say I need a pair of pants fixed up for work and I need them in ten minutes.  My grandma will take them down to her basement and sew patches on some jeans so I look like a hippie for sixties day.  If I'm stranded somewhere and need a ride and no one else is available, my papa will come get me.  I'm writing this to let you know how much I appreciate you and all that you've done.  I am so grateful and I love you both so much.  Thanks for always being there when I need you.

Halloween is Drawing Near

I'm getting so excited for Halloween!  You have no idea.  There's just something about not being yourself for a little while that's so awesome.  I mean, I'll get to go over to my mom's house and watch horror movies all the time on television now that it's October.  This year I'm not too sure what I'm doing for Halloween.  We might throw a party at the apartment.  Not too sure if I'm going to go to Rocky Horror or not this year.  We'll have to see.


I have a bunch of great Halloween memories.  Rocky Horror with Michael is among the favorites.  But then of course there's one of me answering the door at my grandparents house when I was seven because I wanted to give candy to the trick or treaters.  Unfortunately when I opened the door and saw some kids in their costume I cried and ran to my mom.  I'm not too sure what I was expecting.  I remember trick or treating until pretty late in the night.  Now everyone's inside by sunset or else at the Alerus.  That's lame.  One year Jade, Wyatt, and I all went as people from Star Wars.  My favorite costume so far has got to be last years- Poison Ivy from Batman.  But I also like the witch hooker thing I did with Kelsey.  Alex was our "dead pimp."


Kailin went out and bought a whole bunch of Halloween makeup and we took turns making each other look completely dead.  I'm look like a zombie who seriously got her ass kicked in battle.  I wrote a horror script not too long ago about a bunch of kids who go on a trip and eventually end up getting killed by a dead guy who had his eyes gorged out.  That's what I was going for with Kailin's look.

          

Aren't we just gorgeous?  It was a lot of fun though.  A great bonding experience for the two of us.  We talked, tried not to laugh, and twitched as cue tips tickled our cheeks.  I love Halloween so much.  It has to be my favorite holiday besides April Fool's day.  Now, you could argue that there's no holiday on April 1st, but I disagree.  Anyway, I can't wait for October 31!!!

My Babysitting Adventure

I got to babysit Melody today.  She's the one that I wrote about being born in August.  Oh my gosh is she adorable, even when she won't stop crying.  It was only for a little while so her mom could go to an dentist appointment.  Apparently I'm Melody's first babysitter outside of the family.  I feel honored.  In fact, I was actually pretty excited to get to be someone's first babysitter.

Once her mom left, I took her out of her seat and let her kick lying on her blanket on the floor.  It was the blanket I made for her.  Now, I don't know too much about babies and their development, but I think she can kick pretty darn well for only being two months old.

Poor Penny.  She wasn't sure what to think.  I mean, she'd never seen a baby before.  At first she started growling and barking a bit, but then I let her sniff Melody a little bit.  I was very careful to make sure Penny didn't hurt her, and Melody didn't seem to mind... until Penny gave her a kiss on the cheek.  That's when she stopped crying and wouldn't stop.

So I picked Melody up off the floor and started lightly bouncing as I walked around the room.  She pretty much screamed the whole time with little breaks in between.  She was sucking on her hand, and it seemed like she was hungry.  But I could not get her to take her bottle.  I found out that she likes it better when you hold her upright instead of laying down in the crook of your arm.  Finally her mom came home, and she got her to eat.

Even though she cried the whole time, I can't wait to do it again.  I mean, babies cry all the time.  Penny's a cure for my baby fever, but being around Meldoy made it slightly flair up again.  I guess I just have to keep reminding myself that now is just not the right time for me.  I'm not capable of handling a baby on my own right now, but definitly some day.